For months afterward, every time I closed my eyes, especially in the shower, I’d be right back in that dark, creepy world of the movie. My nervous system would go haywire, convinced I was about to be possessed by some unholy spirit. Picture this: a young me, shampoo suds dripping down my face, frantically trying to rinse off without shutting my eyes for more than a millisecond. Not the most relaxing shower experience, I assure you. So, when I ask clients to close their eyes and they hesitate, I totally get it. Sometimes, our minds just won’t let us forget.
What must this feel like for someone who has experienced trauma in their lives? Closing your eyes and feeling like you’re flashing back to that experience, stuck in your mind like The Exorcist stuck in mine. Hard to relax, eh? It’s like trying to meditate while standing on a bed of Legos – not exactly serene.
I’ve realized my own mistake as a therapist. The journey of learning to do therapy is long, but that’s part of the adventure. Being able to recognize when I need to pivot with this deeper understanding is crucial. Now, I consider how I can make that request to close their eyes more of an offering in session, rather than a demand.
Instead of saying, “Close your eyes and relax,” I might say, “If it feels safe for you, you might try closing your eyes or softening your gaze.” Because my clients are always the biggest experts of their own lives and experiences, and it’s my job to honor that expertise. By creating a space where they feel in control, we can navigate their healing journey together, one step at a time. And who knows, maybe we’ll even find a way to make meditation as comforting as a warm blanket – without the childhood horror movie flashbacks.
It’s important for clients to know that anytime through therapy, it’s okay to say, “This doesn’t resonate with me.” That’s part of learning to set boundaries and ask for your needs to be met. I try to invite clients to let me know often if I am on the right track or if I am going in a direction that doesn’t really resonate. Because clients will get so much more out of this journey if they feel empowered to steer at least a little. It’s a balance between surrender and maintaining control – another tightrope worth exploring.
My colleague helped inspire me to recognize this. She spoke about offering clients opportunities to choose their own direction throughout the session. It can be as simple as, “Do you like the lights on or off?” or “Where would you like to sit?” But if you have experienced trauma, much of your life may have felt like a lack of control. Trauma is often that experience of the nervous system being out of balance. Experiences of abuse, sexual assault, or addiction all impact that sense of control, resulting in trauma.
So part of treating trauma is bringing back that feeling that you are safe and you do have control. Sometimes it can take time to recalibrate that feeling. For those who have experienced trauma in childhood, when we really don’t have control, regaining that sense of autonomy in adulthood is crucial. Even for traumas that occur in adulthood, like a car accident where you lose control over your body, the effects can linger. Part of healing trauma is bringing back that feeling of security, agency, and control in the body, knowing that we are safe.
Healing trauma involves creating a sense of security and control in the body, knowing that we are safe. By inviting clients to participate actively in their therapeutic journey, we foster an environment where they feel empowered to steer their own healing. It’s a delicate balance between surrender and maintaining control, a tightrope worth exploring. Through this collaborative approach, we can work together to transform those old, stuck memories into something less daunting and more manageable, one step at a time.
