The decision to pursue IVF is often not taken lightly. It’s a road many of us reach after months or years of heartache, unanswered questions, and difficult choices. But despite how common IVF has become, the emotional, physical, and psychological toll it takes is still not fully acknowledged—especially by the systems that are meant to support us.
As a therapist in Vancouver who specializes in fertility support—and someone who has been through IVF personally—I want to share what I wish I had known before starting this journey. My hope is that these insights help others feel less alone, more prepared, and ultimately, more empowered.
1. You Deserve to Feel Empowered, Not Rushed
One of the most challenging aspects of IVF is how quickly the process can unfold once you enter the system. I was pushed toward IVF with little discussion about alternatives or how to prepare my body beforehand. Looking back, I wish I had taken a few months to prepare—nutritionally, emotionally, and physically.
There’s a lot of fear-based messaging around age and egg quality, but the truth is: clinics are also businesses. It’s okay to pause, gather information, and prepare intentionally. A few months of preparation—guided by resources like It Starts with the Egg—can make a world of difference in how you experience IVF.
2. The Journey Is Largely Invisible—and That’s Part of the Pain
One of the hardest parts of IVF is that no one can see your struggle. From the outside, you’re still showing up to work, attending social events, answering texts. But inside? You may feel utterly unmoored.
From the early hormone priming to the daily injections, my emotions were all over the place. I felt overwhelmed, irritable, sensitive, on edge. And then came the pressure: because this was our savings, our time, our dream. It’s a lonely experience, and unless someone else has been through it, they may not fully grasp what you’re carrying.
3. Your Go-To Self-Care May No Longer Be Available
Movement has always been one of my biggest self-care tools—whether it’s yoga, Pilates, or a good sweat session. But during IVF, especially in the lead-up to egg retrieval, intense exercise is often off-limits. No one prepared me for how disorienting that would feel.
Light walking may be allowed, but it may not offer the same relief or grounding. If you’re someone who processes stress through movement, this pause can be especially tough. Exploring gentler alternatives like breathwork, meditation, or trauma-informed virtual therapy sessions can help fill the gap.
4. The Crash After Egg Retrieval Is Real
You might think once egg retrieval is over, you can finally return to “normal.” But for me, the hardest emotional crash came after the procedure. Once the meds stopped, my hormones plummeted. I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of that emotional and physical drop-off—or for the severity of the first period that followed.
Be gentle with yourself. This phase isn’t talked about enough, and you deserve support as your body recalibrates.
5. Clinics Don’t Always Offer the Full Picture
Sadly, my experience with the fertility clinic felt more transactional than supportive. I was often left with unanswered questions, and I felt like a burden for asking too many. While some nurses and doctors were kind and patient, the system as a whole often felt cold and procedural.
This is why holistic and emotional support is so critical. Fertility is not just a physical issue—it touches every part of our identity, our relationships, our mental health. Integrative support, including therapy, can help you navigate this with greater clarity and care.
6. It’s Okay to Take a Beat
If you’re at a crossroads, unsure whether to start IVF immediately or take a few months to prepare—know that it’s okay to wait. You don’t need to rush just because a doctor tells you the clock is ticking. Taking time to care for your body, reduce stress, and feel emotionally ready is not a delay—it’s an act of self-respect.
And if you do move forward with IVF, do it from a place of empowerment, not fear.
A Final Word: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re preparing for IVF, in the thick of it, or navigating the aftermath—I see you. As someone who’s been through the experience personally and who now offers virtual therapy and fertility counseling in Vancouver and beyond, I understand both the clinical side and the emotional toll.
You deserve holistic support—someone to walk beside you as you move through the decisions, the doubt, and the hope.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out. If you are seeking virtual therapy from the comfort of your home, I would be honored to support you on your fertility journey.
Let’s walk this path together—one step at a time.